This devotional is about Proverbs 17:9: “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”
If someone sins against you or hurts you, even unintentionally, it is wise to speak to that person and resolve the issue directly, in person. Jesus commanded us to seek reconciliation with anyone who might have an issue with us (Matt 5:23) and with anyone who has sinned against us (Matt 18:15). So remaining silent about problems in our relationships is not a biblical way of dealing with those problems. Sometimes we tell ourselves that something shouldn’t bother us or that “it’s no big deal.” Sometimes we may forget but more often the problem simmers and produces resentment and distrust. There is no virtue in hiding problems; in fact, they usually resurface later and with greater intensity when we can’t take it any more.
So what do we make of Proverbs 17:9a, “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense”? On the face, it appears that Solomon is telling us not to deal with issues directly. But Proverbs are designed so that the first line is clarified by the second line. Sometimes that clarification comes by contrast, other times clarification consists of just a restatement of the first line. Given that, Proverbs 17:9b says, “….but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” This phrase suggests that “covering over an offense” in the first line refers to telling others–friends, family, or other third parties–not the person who sinned.
In other words, I interpret this Proverb to be teaching that, once a matter has been dealt with, you drop it and never talk about it with anyone else. That is, if someone sins against me or hurts me in a way that causes me resentment, I deal with that biblically by speaking directly to that person to try to resolve it. Once it is resolved–or even if it isn’t but I’ve tried my best–then the best course of action is not to tell anyone else about the incident. Verse 9b says, “whoever repeats the matter separates close friends” to remind us of the destructive power of gossip. It is so much easier to complain about someone else than it is to speak directly to that person and resolve problems biblically, but it is only “easier” until the damage is done.
How much better would your relationships be if you dealt with problems directly and biblically?